Reminder: Social Media is Social Media- Not News

Social media is the modern equivalent of the refrigerator- a place to post photos, special family announcements, and silly things that 75 years ago would have been clipped from the funny pages.  Social Media is the modern equivalent of the public bathroom wall, too often used to share inappropriate information to embarrass someone- like "For a good time, call X."

Social Media is a clearinghouse for tabloid-style articles. If you think Social Media is a source of news and journalistic integrity, you really are the love child of a three headed space alien.  Social Media does not rise to the level of accountability expected of my fourth grade teacher, who said that when we gave talks and did reports, we needed to cite at least five resources, only two of which could be encyclopedias. We were expected to work for our facts. We were expected to stand in front of the class and answer questions about our presentations of facts.

Yes, Social Media allows for the sharing of actual news articles and links to journalistic broadcasts, as well as links to peer-reviewed journals and recognized examples of scholarship on many topics. BUT readers need to take a minute to consider the sources. Three headed aliens may have found a printing press on eBay, but that does not confer journalistic credentials on them, even if their rise to popularity is documented in a song recently released by Elvis.

I put forth and share these comments as MY OWN IDEAS.

I was inspired by listening to a discussion on NPR last night in the car about how to promote integrity on Twitter and other social platforms. I must admit, the concept of "Twitter Integrity" about made me snort my steering wheel. I consider the short blurbs generated by Twitter to most often resemble the bumper stickers and t-shirts in a souvenir shop- you giggle at them in the store, but would not likely actually spend money on them to wear nor stick on your car. Sure, there are nuggets of wisdom amid the graffiti, but do they elevate all quotes, quips, and exclamations by association?

Originally shared on my Facebook page on March 4, 2020

Cold Comfort

My lake was up to 50F today. . . but it is large, and there are reports of low 40s, or even high 30s in places. . . 

I am part of a surprisingly large community of cold swimmers around the world. . . Although my technical classification is Cool. Over the past few years, I have expanded my swim season and found great joy in swimming as the foliage changes. Two winters ago, I swam in the first snow of the season, an oddly early snow, while the lake was still in the 50s, so it was a lot of fun. And compelling. So I kept swimming into the winter. 

Swimming has been a component of my pain management strategy most of my adult life, as I have dealt with periodic back issues. Defying gravity is a beautiful thing when muscles and joints struggle. As a distance swimmer, I have enjoyed swimming into and out of daylight, and for hours which flow together and let the miles glide by.  

Cold swimming is the most disciplined and challenging swimming I do. Period. As the season shifts, and the sun stays lower in the sky, the color underwater is unlike any other time in the year. As the boaters pack up and pull out docks, I have fewer obstacles and risk factors, and am able to swim in some areas without my high visibility tow floats. A treat. 

While cold swimming, I am totally focused. There is no room for error, and my mind does not wander off my immediate priorities. In a way, I felt like I had to learn to swim again, to address the specificity. I constantly assesses my vital signs: How is my breathing? How is my pace relative to my breathing needs? Are my shoulders stiff? Can I wiggle my fingers or open and close a fist during the over-water recover phase of my stroke? Is anything numb? Does my skin feel like it is chilly or burning? What does my circulation feel like? Because I actually do feel it change as I get into the water and again when I am in motion. Are my ear plugs working? Does my face hurt? (that has only happened a few times, like when you get hit with a blast of icy wind) What does my skin look like as I pull my hands and arms through the water? How deep is the water? Can I touch the sand with my fingertips? What is the demeanor of a person paddling near me or standing on shore? And what is my precise exit strategy? Have I felt a shiver? That is a big one- I do not shiver in cold swims. Ever.  

Even wading in cold water takes concentration, even if I'm bundled into layers of shirts, sweater, winter coat, hat, tail-free scarf, mittens. . . The cold will travel. . . It will require focus. There is no room for dark thoughts in cold water. There is no crying. No second guessing of what could have should have happened in a room in another place. . . for minutes at a time, grief, pain, soul-crushing sadness is set aside, and there is peace. 

When the swimming stops, and the exit routine starts, focus continues. . . dealing with the straps, the shoulder towel, the body towel, the shoes, the nose clip and goggles, possibly another towel to stand on, a shirt to pull on a sweater to pull on a jacket pulled on- all while still able to operate the zipper. . . the cap traded for the neck warmer and hat, earplugs out (Ah, relief- the sound of the real world is so much softer than earplugs.) suit off, jeans on, leg warmers and/or wool socks, big clogs, mittens, tepid cocoa with a lid to keep it from burning my mouth or getting in my eyes. Because by then, the shivering is in force. After-Drop. An exhausting workout. So hopefully, when the thoughts come back, there is enough tiredness to sleep. . . 

I have come to enjoy cold swimming. . . who'd'a'thunk it? It is invigorating, challenging, and has had me practically dancing out of the water, giddy. . . but not in recent months. . . This winter has been a winter of a deep need for solace and peace, and my lake is always there for me, even when it needed a bit of a nudge.

My lake was 50F today, for the first time in about two weeks. The Catch 22 is that I can go further as the temperature goes up, but it is harder to maintain my mental discipline. This is worrisome for a marathon swimmer with goals. Transitioning to a pool in the winter is always a challenge, but this past winter was beyond hard. It was more than just missing my lake. From August until January, I was unable to manage a three mile pool swim. I had to stop so negative thoughts would not become ingrained in my swim strokes. I was able to focus during shorter sprints, which blasted through my energy levels and kept me on track. Mostly. It is a miracle of acoustics that primal scream therapy is not perceived by other pool users when done underwater. 

As the lake warms, will the movement of the sun or moon be enough of a focal point? Maybe having a paddler alongside more often to have a kind face to make eye contact with would help? As I swam into last fall, a paddler, the trees, the slowly increasing briskness all helped me savor a few miles at a time. . . the occasional fish and turtle also helped. Familiar shorelines, familiar rocks under the water, the rainbow chairs on one of the docks. . . these home waters may get me going the distance again. . . I hope so.  Because I have so many swims I want to do. But I have to be able to wrap my mind around them while I do them. I learned that in my Hague 7.5K.  

For now, I'll keep visiting my lake. . . and take what peace I find. 

Photo Credits:  

In water photo- Marsha Jewett-LaPointe, Christmas, 2019

Snow Photo- Linda Cunningham, November 13, 2018

Haiku is mine
Video- mine, February 1, 2020
On the snowy shore photo- Scott R. Tyler, December 17, 2019

Parental Responsibility

https://www.yahoo.com/news/york-dad-refused-let-21-150221060.html?ncid=facebook_yahoonewsf_akfmevaatca

The headline says: 

A New York dad refused to let his 21-year-old son back in their house after the spring breaker partied in Texas amid coronavirus spread

GOOD.  That is an example of a parent holding a nearly adult son accountable for his actions.  Regardless of the son's age, his lack of responsible behavior is a clear indication that he is not yet a fully functional adult.  The son should absolutely NOT be allowed to recklessly endanger the lives of his own family, and thank God the father is smart enough to know this and stand by his convictions.  

Mr. Levine was at least able to be in touch with his son, Matt, daily, and used that time to try to convince his son to do the right thing, but the son refused.  Many years ago, when my younger son was just 19, he also liked to spend time with his friends as it suited him, not always calling home, and not always answering his phone.  I knew my son was planning to to to his father's house over the summer to either visit or live, and I sent my son a message that I wanted to see him first.  I had locked him out of my new, yet unoccupied house, knowing he had left a backpack of personal items he valued.  I told him when I would be available to let him in to my house (we were still actually living in another location), see him, and speak with him before he left the area.  My son decided to break into my house, get his stuff, and meet up with his father.  When I saw where my ex was having breakfast with our other kids as part of his visitation, I went in, in case I could see my younger son.  He was there, and I asked him to come outside with me so we could talk and clear the air.  He was rude, and his father took his side without having all the facts.  

My younger son and I did manage to come to terms and move on.  I did not think much of the incident except that it illustrated what I saw as my ex's shortcomings and my son's immaturity. Imagine my shock when this incident was brought up recently in Family Court, and was used as one of the ways I was to be considered an unfit mother.  My expectation that my children would grow up to be responsible and TAKE responsibility, added to my willingness to risk their displeasure was used to build a case against me, and cost me custody of my youngest child who just turned 13.  

Yes, there is at least ONE Family Court judge in New York State who would likely side with Mr. Levine's son if the son decided to sue his father.  It was revealed to me in court, as my ex testified against me, that my younger son, who has been in the Army for several years, is (or at least as of January, was) stationed in Iraq.  My ex feels it is perfectly acceptable that he would know about that and not keep me up to date.  And the judge used THAT against me also- that even after a few years of a fairly typical relationship with a son living far away, an estrangement that came about was used to batter me in the judge's decision.  

My inability to maintain a close and ALWAYS HAPPY AND ACCEPTABLE TO MY SON relationship was held up as a reason to no longer have custody of my daughter- and yes, it was mentioned in Court that losing custody of my daughter, and sending her to her father was the only way the Judge felt that I could ever manage to have a future relationship with HER- The judge sees my ex as a savior who will provide the best care for my daughter, and somehow, by limiting my visitation (VISITATION??!!) to once a month, my ex is believed to be the only chance I have of a continuing, positive relationship with her. . .  

I have often said that I was the strict parent.  I did not expect being a mother to be a popularity contest. I expected my kids to occasionally be angry with me.  And since my ex dumped us in a filthy divorce, I have spent years trying to rationalize the situation by figuring that at least his permissiveness was limited to visitation.  I could still spend my time, with both my sons and my daughter, teaching them how to be adults.

In the nearly 13 years since, I worked to see my sons through high school, and my daughter through her infancy and into early adolescence.  I have worked to ensure that when they were in my custody, they were housed, fed, educated, and raised properly.  I did this by living my values.  I did this by accepting the generous support of family for years in terms of moral support and part time work, during which my mother watched my then baby girl. I did this by filling out forms to allow my sons free lunches at their new schools, one school being my ex's alma mater, where once upon a time, my ex had complained bitterly about the embarrassment of getting free or reduced lunches. I did this by remaining in an area where I could afford to live on my low income, and use child support to fill the gaps.  

And what I did allowed my elder son to get his associates degree with no student loan debt after the Recession- no small task.  He earned scholarships sufficient to cover all expenses. My younger son earned the same opportunity but decided after a year of college to leave the area to be with his father and eventually join the Army.  All of this was presented in court as reason for me to be declared unfit, and IT WORKED. 

So much was dredged up to try to justify this custody petition, which was primarily predicated on the fact that my daughter's school had recommended she get a diagnostic assessment to allow her 504 Plan to be converted to an IEP.  My efforts to get clarity and information about what the 504 was supposed to allow, relative to what actually was happening initially, was depicted as a REFUSAL to see to what was portrayed as an urgent need for intense intervention- despite documentation from the school that she was making progress and that my concerns, as outlined in great detail, were stated in writing, and received by the school guidance counselor as "valid concerns." The fact that I did not ignore the failings of the 504 implementation prior to seeking an IEP was seen BY THE JUDGE as proof of my negligence.  After the first hearing back in August of 2019, the judge actually ordered us to follow ALL SCHOOL RECOMMENDATIONS, even if NY State parental protections allow for parents to offer, refuse, or withdraw consent for services at any time.  

I wish Mr. Levine the very best of luck in these worrisome times.  I hope he and his parents remain healthy, and that his son does, also.  And I hope that his son, Matt, grows up enough to see the error in his judgment, an enter adulthood better prepared than if his father had given in and let him potentially bring a deadly virus into the very heart of his family.